What is Your Story?

Stories are powerful! A good story may challenge long held perspectives, expand conceptualizations of what is possible, and reveal the world through a fresh set of eyes. We can be swept away by a story and experience the thrill of adventure, the heartache of loss, and the complexity of the human experience, all from the comfort of our homes. 

There are other stories surrounding us too. Stories powerful enough to shape our reality. They are, of course, our own stories. The stories we consciously or unconsciously construct that tell us who we are, and what will become of us. These stories are co-authored by ourselves, our cultural and social contexts, and the families we grew up in. 

The impact of these stories resonates through us and echoes out into the world. They form a narrative woven into the fabric of our mundane lives that make meaning of everything that has happened to us so far and shape who we are becoming. It is because of this meaning making process that two individuals can have the same experience with dramatically different outcomes.  

And yet, how often do we stop to examine the volumes of stories that make us who we are? Many of our stories are tucked neatly into our subconscious minds. The result is a life we passively react to instead of intentionally live. Some of our stories are powerful and life giving. They are precious and true and deeply intertwined with our sense of identity and wellbeing. Others, however, are painful and limiting and prevent us from becoming the most fully expressed versions of ourselves. Some stories, ones we needed at one point in our lives, were meant to be outgrown and edited as the chapters of our lives progressed.

Woven into our meaning making narratives are our beliefs: our genuine beliefs, the ones that fuel our emotions, keep us up at night, fill us with purpose, and motivate our behaviours. What does all of this add up to? The complex combination of our meaning making, beliefs, emotions, and behaviours make up our lives.

So, what is your story? Who do you say you are? What do your stories say about your inherent value, your body, your roles, your capabilities, your children, your spouse, the challenges you face in life, etc.? For anyone desiring to live an intentional life, full of growth and self actualization, these are crucial questions to ask.

The transformative truth is this: you are the author of your own story! You authored (with a little help from your cultural, social, and familial contexts) your current stories and you alone can deconstruct and construct new ones as you move through your life. However, you cannot pick up the symbolic pen and put it to paper until you have read the current manuscript. 

There is immense power in awareness. As you embark on this journey of self-awareness, you may read passages that evoke sorrow and regret. You may have to make peace with chapters that bring pain and grief. You will be challenged to forgive yourself and others for constructing narratives that were never meant for you.

However, this process will be infused with self-compassion and hope. You will write new stories: ones that align with your higher purpose, and empower change and growth. As you go through the process of examining existing stories, challenging unsupportive narratives, and writing new chapters full of hope, you will become an increasingly proficient author. You will take your newfound power with you and continue to write stories as long as there is breath in your lungs.  

This is my greatest purpose as a counsellor: to bear witness to stories as brave souls crack open dusty volumes and we peer inside together. It can be immensely helpful to externalize this process with another human being. Find someone, a counsellor or a friend, who can bring curiosity, an outside perspective, compassion, companionship and unconditional positive regard to the exploratory process. Deconstructing and reconstructing your stories will be challenging, but it does not need to be lonely. 

However you go about reauthoring your story in your own wonderfully unique way, I would challenge you to pick up your pen and reclaim your power. In the words of Sarah J. Mass, one of my favourite storytellers, “...if we go on, only to more pain and despair...then it is not the end.” The final chapters have not yet been written. You are not a victim of your circumstances. You are not a lost cause. You are also not the villain, or an insignificant supporting character. You are the protagonist, the hero, the one that goes on an adventure and who faces and overcomes untold challenges. If you do not like the current story, rewrite it. You are a brilliant, inspired author with the power to write your own stories and create a beautiful, intentional life that is well worth living.